March 16, 2008
by Liz Ross, JMU Campus Ministry
As I sat on a plane writing this sermon, I struggled to think of where to start and how to begin. There are many different angles to cover and things to talk about when it occurred to me-there generally is no starting point in a connection. When one forms-it just keeps going, similar to the phrase or feeling of being connected to someone or something and you don’t know where you end and the other person or thing begins. It’s connected. So, I picked a point and went from there, we will see where it goes.
I got this idea for this sermon because I feel that as a culture and as a society we are losing the connection with each other and with ourselves, and not only are we losing this but we are embracing it and teaching it to our children!
Take for example where you are sitting. Is there an empty seat next to you? Is that on purpose? When you arrived here did you look for seats that would mean you would either sit next to someone you know-or by yourself? For us college students how many times have you gotten on the bus and sat by yourself-away from strangers? Or for all of us when we go somewhere like a movie and you sit away from people almost ensuring that you are with your group of friends and there is very minimal interaction between you and the strangers. After all we have been told since the age of three to never talk to strangers. Thus starting the trend of teaching ourselves-strangers are bad don’t interact with them. If you can’t talk to them, how can you learn from them? How can there be peace if there is no understanding-which comes from talking?
We are starting to embrace this concept in our schools as well. There are two occasions that have stuck out in my mind recently where we are starting to teach our children this concept of no touching. The first was occurred a few years ago, I was in a practicum observing a k-5 resource room. A resource room is a place for kids with special needs, or disabilities, to go to receive extra help learning the curriculum. While there I would sometimes work with a third grader named Nicholas. Nicholas had a learning disability in reading and I would sometimes help him read. Sometimes I might read the story first, then he would repeat after me, or he would read the story on his own and I would help him with words he did not know. One day, we were working together and he read an entire short story on his own with no help from me-and he didn’t struggle while reading it. He was SO proud of himself and excited that he jumped out of his chair and gave me a big hug! At which point his teacher told him to stop because it is not appropriate to hug a teacher. After all, hugging a child in a school setting can be considered sexual harassment and we can lose our jobs. So here we are telling this excited eight year old that when he does something great-he cannot touch an adult. Instead his rewards are an over clichéd “good job” and maybe a high five-but no hugging because it is dangerous.
The other occasion happened two summers ago. I was working as a camp counselor for kids with disabilities, ironically called therapeutic recreation. In this camp, there was an eight year old boy named William and he had autism. He would sometimes touch, or poke, the other kids and while it was never inappropriate the other kids didn’t like it as much. William also had a small crush on this girl named miracle, and he was trying to get her attention so he put his hand on her back (demonstrate this.) Unfortunately, Miracle didn’t feel the same way and she didn’t always like it when he touched her and this would sometimes create problems. When this happened again, William was pulled aside by the person in charge of that classroom and told “you are not allowed to touch anyone ever.” You are not allowed to touch anyone-ever. Here we are telling this 8 year old that he can never touch anyone. This is a problem because people with autism generally don’t understand metaphorical language and take what you say literally at face value. So we just told someone, who takes what you say literally, and because of his disability is already misunderstood by the mass public that he cannot touch anyone ever. Wow. Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on which view point you take, he didn’t follow that advice but the underlying message is still there. If we teach each other to never talk to strangers, and do not touch others, how you connect with them? How can you learn from one another?
This has even infiltrated popular advertising. I saw a bumper sticker a year or so ago that said “have you hugged your child today?” At first I thought it was great and I wanted to know where they got it so I could have one for myself, but then as I thought about it, it disturbed me. Why do we need to be reminded to hug our own children? Right now our schools are becoming dangerous, our streets are becoming unsafe to play on, and college campuses are places for mass murder. We are fighting a war with a group of people we don’t understand and that’s translating over into our country with the prejudices. Maybe, if we hugged our children and each other we would see a happier and peaceful society.
I wondered when did this teaching and embracing of anti touch, anti interaction happen? Is it in our nature? Perhaps this stems from Americans pride in independence from England, and our sense of “we don’t need you, we can make it on our own” has slowly turned into “I don’t need you.” On the flip side of independence, comes dependence, something that is not really looked highly upon in our society. To me it appears that the main acceptable time to be dependent on someone is when you’re a child, and even then we are teaching them to be independent young citizens. While this is a good thing to learn, it should be ok to tell our kids and students that needing someone isn’t always a bad thing.
So while we are embracing this way of life that breeds independence of each other we still crave a connection with someone. This is evident in all the support groups one can join, and all the books and songs that talk about that special connection with someone.
In 2003 the commission for children at risk published an article entitled “hardwired to connect.” This report was published to share new strategies to reduce the number of U.S. children who are suffering from EBD such as depression, anxiety, attention deficit, conduct disorders, and thoughts of suicide. In this study they found that in 2002, Twenty-one percent of U.S. children ages 9 to 17 had a diagnosable mental disorder or addiction; 8 percent of high school students suffered from clinical depression, and about 20 percent of students report seriously having considered suicide that year. These reports are startling and may have even gotten worse as this was six years ago and the world has become slightly more dangerous.
On a more positive note, the commission also found that children are hardwired to connect to others, and are hardwired for moral and spiritual meaning. They stated that these connections have gotten significantly weaker with a big factor being the high divorce rate resulting in more single parent households, particularly those with an absent father. This report challenges the U.S. to strengthen authoritative communities, which are groups of people who are dedicated to one another and want to pass on what it means to be a good person, and to promote connectedness.
So how can we live up to this challenge which has been posed to us 6 years ago? Following the JMU model “be the change” I say we start with ourselves. The first step: touch yourself, mentally, physically, and spiritually. If we are more open to who we are, more connected with our bodies then we can model that to each other. We can show ourselves and others that it is ok to be connected.
One beginning is to become aware of what is out there for us. I recently joined the caring committee and became the JMU liaison between this group and the JMU group. Doing so was a great decision as I ate a wonderful homemade meal instead of my typical canned college dinners for one, but it also helped me feel more connected to this church and it is something I am passionate about-helping others. This group is dedicated towards helping those in our church who are in need and is also dedicated towards building a stronger more connected church. Do not hesitate to ask anyone of us for help, as we are here for you.
I believe that each person was born with a gift. It could be something big like the abiltity to sing really well, it could also be the gift of being able to listen to others, or be really kind to others. It could even be something simple as making the best eggs and coffee in the morning, something I think my roommate possess and I look forward to every Saturday morning because of it. But each person has something. So I want you all to close your eyes and I want you to touch yourself mentally, explore your mind and either find what gift you have, or at least something positive about yourself. I want you to hold onto that thought throughout the day and the continuing ones. As we leave this friendly place think of that gift and how you can share it with someone. And as you share it with someone think of how you can be connected.
I have a belief that if we are open to each other in mind, body, and spirit then we can connect with each other and with that connection comes peace.