by Michael Quayle
February 6, 2011
For many of us the term theology holds a lot of negative baggage. There is a tendency to associate theology with a specific approach or doctrine.  If we have rejected certain religious beliefs or teachings, there is a tendency to reject theology.
Within the Unitarian-Universalist tradition there are as many Religious or spiritual beliefs as there are people in this room. Some of us have suffered oppression and even violence in the name of Judeo-Christian practice and theology to the point that we reject all theology as limited or at best, not useful.
I come from a traditional or some would say orthodox Christian background. My pastoral ministry was in the United Methodist church and my time as a lay-person has been in the Episcopal church. In these traditions, theology tends to be linked with doctrine,  very specific doctrines. Theology is viewed as a way of defending and preserving those doctrines and excluding beliefs which would weaken or destroy church teaching.
Yet, I find myself growing more and more connected to the Unitarian-Universalist way.  In some ways I thought I had invented Unitarian-Universalism.  Imagine my surprise when I found it was already there. My study of Unitarian-Universalism has again and again affirmed the spiritual journey of my life, and has allowed a spiritual sigh of relief in discovering there exists a community of people who share my journey, my struggles, and my passion for social justice and a world view that makes sense to me.
I have also been bruised by theology throughout my life. From the beginning I was taught that I was sinful and evil. Through the stain of original sin I was unacceptable to god as soon as I was born. I spent much of my life struggling to be acceptable to god.  From my earliest memories I knew I was gay. Yet I didn’t come out until I was 50. I went through years of self-loathing and hatred. The United Methodist church taught me that I was ‘incompatible with Christian teaching’ and could not be ordained as a gay man. No one tried harder than me to change. Prayer, fasting, aversion therapy, two marriages, and even exorcism did not change the core of who I was.  Yet I continued to try to make my life fit the teaching of the church and to undo the results of original sin.  I made a bargain with God. If I were to give him my entire life, even my career as a Pastor, surely god would change who I was. When that failed I went on a self-destructive path that led to addiction and attempts at suicide to end my life because I had been taught to utterly hate myself.
With all of that history, one could conclude that I would have thrown any theology aside and never want to hear the word again let alone continue to struggle with theology to make any sense of faith, life, and the world in which we live.
Theology is unavoidable. Both the fundamentalist extremist and the atheist do the work of theology.  We cannot escape being theological. The word theology comes from two Greek words. The first is “theos” meaning god, gods, or divinity. Theos is not specifically Christian but takes into account all belief in any deity or higher power.
The suffix “ology” means the science or study of something. So we have psychology, oncology, and on and on. The study of some specific subject matter.
The atheist can only arrive at atheism by a rejection of belief. It is impossible to reject any belief without first looking at that belief and discerning the merits or flaws of that belief. The orthodox only become orthodox by examining their beliefs as well. An orthodox Muslim, Jew, or Christian examine what they believe and accept orthodox belief as a result of that examination.
The orthodox Christian may look at the atheist and claim they have not engaged in theology. Nothing is further from the truth.  It is far too easy to dismiss others using the belief that they simply have not really  engaged in a serious study of beliefs. I have been guilty of this. Even if I believe they have given some thought to their beliefs, I can discount their conclusions by believing their study was not as deep or detailed as mine. I can identify flaws in their process or thinking. Worse, I might take the arrogant path of believing they are well-intentioned but simply not as smart or scholarly as I am.  As I have arrived at the place I am today in my theology or beliefs, it takes enormous willpower and even grace to allow that my friend who is in an entirely different place may be as smart as me, as committed as me, and as sincere as me. We have simply reached different conclusions when faced with the evidence.  That’s a hard pill to swallow.
We don’t arrive at the theological table with the same life-experiences or backgrounds. Theology is not only the study of god or a deity, but it is also a mirror of our own lives. Our upbringing, politics, pain, and all of our life experiences enter into our theology.
It is at times very difficult to not turn those who differ from us into enemies.  I have a difficult time practicing the compassion, mercy, and love I claim to believe in when I see Fred Phelps and his group protesting at the funerals of those who are gay or have died of aids with signs that say “god hates fags.”  But honestly, these are the times when my own beliefs are most challenged and the test of whether I can truly live out that compassion and mercy I speak about.
How do we do the work of theology? In a room full of people like this, where there is a vast sea of ideas and beliefs, how do we do the work of theology?  How do we take the conclusions we have reached through our own study and experiences, positive or negative, and arrive at a theological viewpoint?
For me, I had to drop the baggage I had attached to the Word theology. I have come to a place where I believe the word theology is simply the study or science of living. If I believe in a god or in Jesus or Allah or Buddha or the wiccan way, that informs how I live my life.  If I believe there is no God, Jesus was a fictional figure, and sin doesn’t exist, that also informs how I will live my life.
In the Unitarian-Universalist tradition we have a set of guiding principles offered to us. It seems that maybe we are theological after all. The association covenants, affirms and promotes:
The inherent worth and dignity of every person,
Justice, equity and compassion in human Relations;
Acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations;
A free and responsible search for truth and meaning;
The right of conscience and the use of the democratic process within our congregations And society at large;
The goal of world community with peace, liberty, and justice for all,
Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.
That’s a theological statement. It is based on a set of beliefs meant to inform life. It was not pulled from some void and dropped upon us on two stone tablets, but was written as an expression of the core beliefs of our association. The statement which follows the principals becomes even more theological and specific and offer clear guidance on how to live our lives.
The work of theology is unavoidable.  When I release theology from a narrow definition and from an outside source or authority, it is then that it becomes a powerful force in my life.  How have I experienced this reality?
Gone are the days when I can blame original sin for my own moral struggles.  I can no longer blame the institution of the church or look to a bishop or pope to tell me what to believe. When I allowed others to control my theology, it was easier to dismiss or ignore teachings and beliefs. Now, the finality of my decisions and the way I live rests within me. I believed that would have given me less passion and less of a sense of responsibility for my life. Instead it has empowered me all the more. I cannot blame bad church teaching, a bishop or a pope or church council.  When I am not a person of compassion, mercy, justice, and peace, only I am responsible. It is empowering to take ownership of my life.
How then can we do the work of theology?  Once we have released theology from a narrow prison and accepted that it is the work of each of us individually, how do we approach the task.  I can only share my approach to theology with you and hope from that you will find some meaning.
First, I approach theology with humility.  I am a small part of the whole.  I am a molecule of water in an enormous ocean of thought and belief. Nothing, including theology, depends on me alone. People have engaged in theology before I existed and will do so long after I am gone.  The whole burden is not upon my shoulders alone. That is liberating.
Second, I have had to release the negative connotations of destructive theology in my life.  Some theology did me great harm. It nearly destroyed my life and spirit. If I choose to approach all theology in anger, resentment, or bitterness that will tend to be how I live life. Life is not best lived on the defensive.  I can become so busy dismissing any theology that I fail to see what may be a grain of truth that will serve to guide me in my own journey.  We can easily give power to that which we don’t believe by allowing those things to blind us to the possibility of belief.
All of my life I was taught that Christianity was the only way. I bore the bruises on a conservative-fundamentalist theology which was exclusive and narrow. Had I not been able to risk the loss of letting go of that system of belief and the negative energy associated with that belief, I could never have come to appreciate the truths in other faiths and traditions. Today my beliefs are an “interdependent web” linked to many, many of the great religious paths of the humanity.  It would have been all too easy to allow anger over one to prevent me from being open to any.
Third, I try and approach theology gently. I tend to be and all or nothing person.  Once I am persuaded, I would like to believe that everyone else should join me and quickly jump on board of my train.  It has taken me half-a lifetime to reach this point. Along the way I was treated sometimes poorly and hurt, but I also need to acknowledge I was treated with great patience, mercy, and compassion in this journey.  I don’t believe I can do less to others. I may completely disagree with the conclusions of another traveler. I may even see their conclusions as destructive and hurtful.  Yet, somehow, it is vital that I tread gently.  Yes, there are times to take a stand and a strong stand at that. But those times come and go. More often we are confronted with the day to day challenges of living with tolerance and compassion towards those who differ from us. Living with tolerance and compassion day to day prepares us to know when we need to make a strong stand. Every day and every conversation need not be our last stand.
Fourth, I need to be accountable for my own theology. I need to do the work with integrity. I will cease blaming others for my own difficulties and bumps in the road. When I allow others to dictate my life and beliefs, I give over to them my own power and will.   If I say I believe in something, then it is up to me to hold myself accountable for that belief and how it is lived out in my life. Our readings today included on about Jesus’ use of parables. I love what Matthew Fox had to say in that Jesus used parables to teach but most often didn’t give a correct answer to the questions posed by the parables. He placed confidence and trust in the listener to reach their own conclusions and live life based on those conclusions.
For me the final step in doing the work of theology is letting go of fear.  Doing the work of theology calls for courage. This is a significant day for me. I have not preached a sermon in nearly five years.  I wasn’t sure if I ever would again. But today carries an even deeper significance for me. It has to do with letting go of fear.  As a United Methodist pastor I lived a lie. I was afraid to reveal my whole person. Had I done so it would have meant the loss of my ministry. So I lied. There was a project before our United Methodist general conference of 2004.  A collection of stoles, those colorful bands of cloth that many clergy wear around their necks as a symbol of their being yoked to Christ through ordination. Gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered clergy from all over the United States gave stoles to this project. It was similar to the Aids Quilt. I gave a stole to this project. Of course mine was given anonymously. I couldn’t be honest. I was too afraid of the truth.  Every person who gave a stole had a story that was printed on the back of the stole to be displayed. This was my message:
After years of self-hate and doubt, I have come to believe that god loves me and accepts me as a whole person just as I am. However, my church currently does not. As a result I remain closeted and anonymous. I pray for the day when my congregations will know me as I fully am…a whole person. I pray for the day when hatred ceases and we are truly a United Methodist church which welcomes all people.
Continued fear, shame, and self-loathing took me places I never imagined.  Nearly two years ago I was able to stop being afraid.  Today I have given my first sermon as the person I am. In the end it was not about being gay, it was about fear to take my theology where my heart longed to go.  I plan on submitting an addendum to my stole.  “I am now known for who I am. Life lived free of fear is an awesome life.” And I will not be anonymous, but will sign it, Michael Quayle, beloved child.
Let us do the work of theology with passion and compassion. Let us tread kindly and gently.  Let us trust the minds we have been given and let us let go of the fears that hold us back from living.
Doing the work of theology is the work of living.
So may it be…