Marching on the Side of Love

October 11, 2009

21^st Annual

National Coming Out Day

&

The National Equality March

On Washington DC

First Reading

~ from 1 Corinthians 13

The Gift of Love

If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends. But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end. 9For we know only in part, and we prophesy only in part; 10but when the complete comes, the partial will come to an end. 11When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known. And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.

Second Reading

~ from Paul Robeson in

Singing the Living Tradition

I shall take my voice wherever there are those who want to hear the melody of freedom or the words that might inspire hope and courage in the face of despair and fear.  My weapons are peaceful, for it is only by peace that peace can be attained.  The song of freedom must prevail.

Additional Thoughts for Reflection

Nonviolence is the answer to the crucial political and moral questions of our time; the need for [humanity] to overcome oppression and violence without resorting to oppression and violence. [Humanity] must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression, and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love.

~  Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., December 11, 1964

Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars… Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.

~  Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

“Marching on the Side of Love”

by Rev. Emma Chattin
October 11, 2009

Today is National Coming Out Day.  It’s a day set aside by Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgendered, Intersexed, and Questioning community to encourage those who live in closets to open the door and to step forward, beyond the threshold of their own fear, to walk in the light of day.  It is a time to encourage dialogue, to talk about our differences, our similarities, and the things that are important to us.  It is a time of healing.  A time to become whole again.  It is also a day for me to tell you that I am Queer; I am Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgendered, Intersexed, and Questioning.  Nice to meet you.  🙂

I also brought with me today my wonderful partner, my dear, my sweetheart, my beloved, my life partner of some 13 years, Heather.  She’s also queer.  And she says it’s nice to meet you too.   🙂

Somewhere there are people in this land contemplating this day, wondering who to tell, what to tell, and how to tell them.  There are people wondering how they will live a more authentic life, a life more reflective of who they are, and who they love.  It’s a risk, and the price for some will be steep.  But the human spirit is willing to endure remarkable things in order to live in freedom, in truth, in light, in love.  And so we say on this day….

Come Out… Come Out… wherever you are.

Today is also the National Equality March on Washington DC.  This march is for equal protection under the law for GLBTIQ citizens.  Equal Protection under the law is a broad goal, but let me synthesize it for you into a bumper sticker that would go on a vehicle that belongs to Heather and i.  It would read: “If we lived in Vermont, we would be married now.”  Or Massachusetts, or Connecticut, or Iowa.  But we don’t live in those places.  We live here.  And we are not married.  We cannot be married here.  And that is not fair.

Marriage.  Why is that even important?

There are over 1,100 federal rights that come with marriage!

Now… I realize that I may be speaking to the choir here, but if I am, I beg your patience for the next 15 minutes, give or take.  If I am speaking to the choir it is to offer my gratitude, my encouragement, my faith, and my hope…. and perhaps … to provide you with some words to a song of freedom that you might carry with you and sing to others elsewhere on your own, because civil rights issues require not only your heart, mind, and thoughts, but in order to move a community forward, they require your presence, your voice, your body.  These must be in alignment with your heart and your thoughts and your passion- and your Love.

You already know this.  I can’t tell you how happy and proud I am to be connected with this community, because you have supported and sent members of your community to this march.  You are not just standing on the side of love, you are marching on the side of love.

And what is a march?  It is moving forward, with deliberate determination, with coordination, and with unity.  It is a show of solidarity.  Togetherness.  It is being in step, and moving your community forward.  That is what a march is.  A metaphor for moving forward together.

And this is the civil rights issue of my generation.

Without co-opting the African American civil rights movement in this country in any way, I can see the similarities.  When I think back to those times… I was just a tot when Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King gave his “I have a dream” speech in 1963… but our family was involved, and these things were important to our family, and as a result, they made a deep impression on me.  And who knows what seeds have been sown in the fertile minds of the children of your Religious Education group by attending the march today!

And I remember seeing all the people gathered together, on TV and in photographs.  Remembering then, and looking back now, I see the occasional dot of white faces in the crowd.  Everything was in black and white then, and it was easier to see …. white faces stood out…. and I could see them… and seeing the white faces walking, marching arm in arm, I was, and still am, so proud… that there are indeed good people among all of us… good people who will stand up for the rights of others, and who will walk with them.  Because good people were surely needed then.  The tension along racial lines was palpable.

People who opposed racial integration and the racial civil rights movement were angry, and they were afraid.  Some took refuge in religion,  and they were comforted by ministers who told their congregations that yes  indeed the Bible preached segregation, and that it was the way that God intended things.  Other people took refuge in the laws of segregation, and said they had to abide by the laws of the land.  Some people argued that it was simply the tradition of this nation.  That the way it’s always been.

That’s just the way it is.

Today is the date I was regularly scheduled to be here, and Bernie thoughtfully offered to change that date so that I could be at the march, but I will tell you what I told her: This is what a march looks like me to me now.  This is what I do now to be in step with justice and to move forward with others. If I weren’t here, I would be doing this someplace else, and quite frankly I would much rather be doing this here.  With you.

Even so, this is probably one of the most difficult reflections I have ever prepared.  No, it IS the most difficult.  I always speak about issues that I am close to, that are close to me, and that I feel passionately about, but I am right on top of this one.  And it hurts.  If you are married, consider the pain you might experience – daily – if you were not allowed to marry, to legally join as one with the one you love.  I have to gather my thoughts carefully here, because on the one hand, there is so much I want to say… I run the risk of droning on like a noisy gong…  and on the other hand, I want to behave as a child…  and just stomp my foot down and scream, “Not fair!”

Heather and I own cars, and property together.  We are legally bound together through wills, contracts, and financial and medical powers of attorney.  We are as bound as the Commonwealth of Virginia allows, but even that is in question … because of a vote held a few years ago, where the oppressive majority were allowed to pass a law that exclusively restricts the rights of a minority, and because of that, even those three little documents we have may not hold up in court if challenged.

Following the lead of Virginia and other states, the approach now is to bring the issue of same-sex marriage to a popular vote, to have a majority vote on the issue.

A vote.  That sounds fair doesn’t it?  Fair and democratic.  To have a majority vote.  A majority vote on the rights for a minority….. ?  That isn’t fair at all.  And I can tell you if integration had not gone through the courts but rather been brought to a popular vote in the 1960’s, it would have failed.  It would have failed … and people would have given reasons of tradition, religion, order, preservation of the status quo… But behind all those things, deep in a closet somewhere… was FEAR.

And make no mistake about it, the struggle for racial equality and racial justice in this country continues today, and it is an issue no longer simply in black and white but a spectrum colors.  And I am convinced that we are seeing now the unhealed wounds and fears of racism resurfacing today in strange and often bizarre ways, because there are people in this country, in small towns and in the halls of power, who believe that the issue of integration and racial equality in this country were forced upon an unwilling nation by activist judges.  And if these individuals, driven by fear, and filled with hate, can take this nation backward, they will.

Being here today is what a march looks like to me now.  This is how I put my body where my mouth is, how I put my voice where my heart is, how I put my feet where my beliefs are.  This is how I move forward, deliberately, and with determination, in step and in rhythm with community.  Together.  On the side of love.  And a march born of love is unstoppable.  A march born of love moves forward, ever onward, rejoicing in the truth.  A march born of love does not walk over anyone or on top of anyone, it walks with them.  A march born of love bears all things, hopes all things.

And this is what a march looks like to me now.

Being here with you now.

What does a march look like to you?

What does your march look like?

What are you doing to put your feet with your beliefs?

How are you moving forward, step by step, with your community…

….. how are you moving your community forward?

There are obstacles, and you know them well.  Perhaps one of the most frequently used justifications for opposition to gay civil rights is the Bible.  If you have been at protests, you know this.

However, the more you understand about the Bible the more you understand that it is not a place upon which to stand to look down on others.  It is not a place on which to stand against Love.  More accurate translations, sharper understandings of the culture and context, are being taught in seminaries today.  This is why there are large mainline denominations, that at the risk of schism, are moving forward on the side of LOVE.

Biblical marriage.  There is no such thing as Biblical marriage. There are over 40 different types of relationships described in the Bible, and only a handful would come close to describing the professed convention of today.  Regardless, using the Bible as a weapon against social civil rights stands as fear wrapped in the robes of religion.

Some people will say gay rights are against tradition.  Well, “Tradition” is a fickle banner under which to march.   In examining our past, “tradition” has almost universally been the vanguard of social oppression.    It is important to note that it is precisely the occasions when we have had the courage to transcend tradition that have allowed our nation to rise above its history.

But… I have to tell you… the LGBT community is not even in full agreement with itself on marriage.  Some argue that it is “marriage or nothing”, some support civil unions, some support civil unions for everyone and marriage as the ceremony that is provided in the religious sanctuary of one’s choice.

Marriage is not a perfect institution, and I don’t think anyone thinks that it is.  Marriage, as we know it today, began as an instrument of the patriarchy.  It was a public ceremony symbolic of property exchange, a woman, as property, being handed from her father to her husband.  The word husband itself stirs back to 1200 or so… meaning head of the household, landowner, peasant farmer.  Its ancient roots are revealed in the word ‘husbandry’… meaning caretaker… farmer.

Marriage is not an ideal union, and I am not sure it even fits well with the model of same-sex relationships, which often seem to be more equal by their very nature.  When I call Heather my life partner, I mean it in so many ways.

So I am not all starry eyed on marriage.

I will be honest with you.  I just want the legal rights that I have been denied, and I don’t care what they are called.  I am hungry for justice, and I don’t want to read the menu.  Just give me that for which I hunger.

However, when it comes to marriage, as a minister, I am drafted into being an agent of the state, in performing weddings… a conduit authorized by the Commonwealth of Virginia on behalf of the Commonwealth of Virginia…. and yet… I am giving to other couples in the Commonwealth what Heather and I are denied.

And that hurts.

Most of what I see at the protests

from those who stand so loudly against same sex marriage

is not calm reason and rational

but anger and fear.

And I can’t meet anger with anger.

Hate with hate.

Fear with fear- and I will not fear those who fear me.

And I can’t meet ignorance with ignorance.

Misunderstanding with misunderstanding.

I can only rise with love.

Speak with love

Because love tells me of the fear that trembles in the hearts of those who rise with oppression… loves tells me of the anger that closes a hand into a fist in my face…. and closes their ears to my words… and closes their hearts to my anguish.

It is love that opens my eyes to their pain, and, having had some experience with it, it is love that stirs me to call them out from their own closets of fear.

I want to close with two little stories from a wonderful little book:  “Jacob the Baker”, witten by Noah benShea.

The first story is Anger cannot be peeled with Anger

A middle aged man contorted his face and waved a message of Jacob’s that the man had found in a loaf of bread.  “What do you mean by this?!” he asked, and he proceeded to read: “The fist starves the hand”?

Jacob took all of the man’s anger, consumed its force, and transformed it, returning peace in his voice and manner.  “When your hand is made into a fist, we cannot receive the gifts of life from ourselves, our friends, or our Creator.  When our hand is closed in a fist, we cannot hold anything but our own bitterness.  When we do this, we starve our stomachs and our souls.  Our anger brings a famine on ourselves.”

The man was quiet.  Those around him whispered.  They urged the man to move on.  But Jacob wasn’t done.  “Put down this fury,” Jacob’s eyes pleaded.  “Anger locks a person in their own house.”

The next story….  Building Fear

A community leader came to see Jacob, hoping to find peace of mind, and ease for his burden.  The man was troubled by a repetitive dream he did not understand.  “Jacob, in my dream I have traveled far and am finally arriving at a great city.  But at the entrance to the city I am met by a tall soldier who says that I must answer two questions before being admitted.  Will you help me?”  Jacob nodded.  “The first question the soldier asks is, ‘What supports the walls of a city?”

“That is easy” said Jacob, “Fear supports the walls of a city.”

“But what supports the fear?” the man asked, “for that is the second question.”

“The walls” answered Jacob.  “The fears we cannot climb become our walls.”

Courts may eventually decide this issue, but the real realm of resolution and the pathway to justice is in the human heart.

I am not asking you to be for same-sex marriage.  With love in my voice, I am asking you to extend yourself, to step forward for Justice and Fairness, to continue to move forward the community in which you live.

We can’t do it ourselves.  We need good people to join us, to walk with us.  We need you. And you don’t need to believe in same sex marriage, I am just asking you to believe in equality and fairness, in liberty and justice for all.

And if you believe, we need you to talk to others, to bear witness…

To call people out of their closets of anger,

past the threshold of their own fear.

This, right here, is what a march looks like to me now.

And whatever a march looks like to you, we need you.

And I am grateful that on this day…

Your community has come out with us…

Not just standing on the side of love,

but MARCHING on the side of love.

Thank you.