Our Spiritual Journeys

November 7, 2010

One of the services that everyone seems to enjoy is one we present a couple of times a year. We ask for two volunteer participants who are willing to share their own spiritual journey with the Fellowship. This morning Rich Sider and Laura Dent each shared their own spiritual journey.

Rich Sider

When Judith asked me to participate in this service, my first thought was, I haven’t had much of a spiritual journey.  A theological journey, yes, but a spiritual journey?  I wish I could say I’ve traveled further.

I’ll come back to my spiritual journey, or lack thereof, in a moment, but let me tell you a little about my theological journey first.

I was born in Zimbabwe, then Southern Rhodesia, to Brethren in Christ missionary parents.  The BIC denomination is not the same as the Church of the Brethren.  It is one of the Anabaptist related groups, though, with a Wesleyan holiness flavor.  In short, my parents were devout evangelical pacifist fundamentalists in the separatist mold of conservative Mennonites.  The world was basically evil and in need of salvation and the only important thing in life was to be “right with the Lord.”

Although I never accepted the separatist aspects of my parents faith, I tried to make the evangelical framework work up through college.  As some of you who share a similar background may have also experienced, it involved numerous attempts over the years to confess my sins and renew my faith in and commitment to the tenets of evangelical Christian faith.  The problem for me was that it never worked.  I could never experience the joy and freedom from my evil ways that a “personal relationship with Jesus Christ” was supposed to produce.

After college and marriage, Martha and I went off to southern Africa with the Mennonite Central Committee, the international service organization of the Mennonite Church.  Even though we weren’t into the missionary thing, the concept of responsibility to be of service had taken hold, and has affected my whole working career, all of which I have spent working for non-profits.

So, we entered the second phase of our theological journey – the liberal Mennonite pacifist phase.  I think I can use the pronoun “we” safely because Martha and I have been fortunate in that regard – our theological pilgrimages have coincided pretty well.  In this theological environment, service to others was the key to meaning and peace.  Unfortunately, while I believe deeply in the importance of service to others, I didn’t find the meaning and peace I was seeking in that path either.

During the 18 years I worked for MCC, including 4 in Guatemala in the early 1980s during the height of the civil war there, Martha and I came to reject the Christian faith claim to be the only truth.   We came to see we were certainly no better or more connected to the transcendent than the many who by happenstance had been born into a different religious framework and culture.  To think they were somehow condemned because of this just became too inconceivable to consider anymore.  And although many in the liberal Mennonite community share this view but have remained within it, we became increasingly uncomfortable with what is essentially a “don’t ask, don’t tell” approach to theology.  People who believe differently than Christian orthodoxy just don’t talk about what they believe.  We also became increasingly uncomfortable with the words spoken and sung in worship – words emphasizing dualism between the saved and unsaved, good and evil, material and spiritual, and anthropomorphizing the mystery many call God. 

So, we entered the 3rd phase of our theological pilgrimage – to Unitarian Universalism.  We joined Jefferson Unitarian Church in Golden, Colorado.  Although certainly not a perfect community, we felt that we had finally come to a place that shared both our values and our belief that “all the world is one,” in the words of UU singer songwriter, Peter Mayer. During our years at JUC, Martha and I participated in a meditation group and practiced daily meditation.  But again, I found that didn’t work very wellfor me either. I was unable to control my mind enough to experience the centeredness I was seeking.

Now, back to my spiritual journey.  I am convinced that spirituality is something completely different than a belief system.  It is about living at peace with oneself and in a healthy life giving relationship with all that makes up our world.  It is a state of being, not a belief.

It is also about celebrating the mystery that is life and our universe.  To contemplate the complexity and beauty and also the pain and tragedy of life here on this planet or to contemplate the vastness of the universe is to be overwhelmed by wonder and mystery.  To be able to transcend our innate need to know, to have answers, and instead to celebrate mystery is also essential to true spirituality, in my mind.

This requires doing some serious “ego” work.  All belief systems, in one way or the other, attempt to deal with the problem of the ego.   The underlying strategy for happiness and peace within the Christian community is in submission of the ego to the will of God.  However, it seems to me that Christian theology actually feeds the individual ego with the idea that I am unique, with a special purpose and plan for my life.

At this point in my pilgrimage, I think the view of Eckhart Tolle is more useful.  According to Tolle, the individual ego is constantly looking for food for its identity, its sense of self and as a result, is constantly unsatisfied.  When we live through the ego, we always reduce the present moment to a means to an end.  To find peace, we need to stop that incessant quest and live at peace with the present moment, liberated by the fact that, and I’m quoting Tolle here, “nothing will be left of all the fearing and wanting associated with the problematic life situations that every day take up most of our attention, except a dash between the date of birth and the date of death on our gravestone” (and if we opt to be cremated we don’t even have that!).  Can we be liberated rather than depressed by that fact?

So, that’s some of what I believe true spirituality to be.  But again, if I believe it but haven’t learned to live it, then of what value is it?  That is my confession to you this morning.  I daily struggle to live in the moment, to live without fearing and wanting, at peace with myself and my environment.

So, I leave you with a question.  Why is it so hard for some of us to find peace even with all the tools we have at our disposal?  Is it laziness – not being willing to give time to the practice of spiritual disciplines?  Is it personality?  Maybe a Myers Briggs ISTJ like me just isn’t wired to be at peace.  Is it psychological dysfunction?   Maybe I was permanently damaged by my fundamentalist upbringing.  Is it unnatural, contrary to the evolutionary survival impulse, to be content with the present?  Is struggle just part of the human condition that ensures the survival of the species?

I don’t know the answers to these questions and would enjoy hearing what you think.  Thank you for the opportunity to share my thoughts with you this morning.

 

Laura Dent

My Spiritual Journey

My name is Laura Dent – if that matters.

I used to think of myself as a spiritual “seeker,” because of my insatiable curiosity in exploring spiritual paths.  Now I’ve realized I am a spiritual traveler.  When I explore a spiritual path, I like to learn the language and live there for a while, as I just did when Noel and I traveled to Italy.

Consider this talk a travelogue – snapshots of pivotal moments along my journey.

I’ve had five main passions in my life:  writing, spirituality, languages, travel, and music. As you’ll see, they’re all woven together in my story.

My journey is “bookended” with two pieces of music.

(1)

For me, it all started with Yes – the British rock group.

I grew up in Alabama, in the Bible Belt of the South, though we were “C and E Episcopalians” – for Christmas and Easter.

One day in high school, a friend drove me home from Episcopal youth group.  She spent an hour in my driveway trying to convince me to accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.  I said, “I’ll think about it” – and walked into the house.

There was my brother, just back from his first semester at Yale.  He played for me the Yes album Tales from Topographic Oceans.

It blew my mind wide open.

The music was inspired by ancient Hindu scriptures.  In a sudden flash, I realized that humans have been seeking the Truth in many ways, for thousands of years before Jesus walked the earth.

This line got my attention:

“Young Christians see it from the beginning …”

That meant I could honor my Christian roots as one of many valid paths – while still branching out to explore other, more ancient paths.

(2)

Two years later, my freshman year at Harvard, I took a course in Indian Religion.  One passage from the Upanishads, the ancient Hindu scriptures, has stayed with me.  In Sanskrit:

“Tat tvam asi, Svetaketu.”

This means:

“That art thou,” and Svetaketu is the name of the student.  (A cultural equivalent might be “Grasshopper.”)

A father describes the subtle essence of being inside a fig seed from which the fig tree grows.

“Believe me, my dear, that which is the subtle essence – this whole world has that essence for its Self; that is the Real; that is the Self; that art thou [tat tvam asi], Svetaketu.”

“That art thou.”  You are infinite.

(3)

At Harvard, I majored in Russian language and literature.  In my travels in Russia – at that time the Soviet Union – and after college, living with Russian emigres in San Francisco – I was deeply drawn to the Russian Orthodox church, for the beauty of the service with the icons and incense and candles and choirs, and for the strength of their faith in the face of oppression.

I ultimately backed down when the Orthodox monks called yoga “demon-worship”!  One of the monks pegged me as an “incense-sniffer.”

(4)

Then I reconnected with my Episcopal roots at Grace Cathedral in San Francisco.  Here I got the best of both worlds:  the majesty of the stained-glass cathedral (with choirs and incense!), and a more liberal, inclusive theology.

I had an Epiphany while waiting in line for communion one day:  the flow of the wine and bread through the congregation:  that is the lifeblood of Christ in the world.  I still love the Jesus of the Sermon on the Mount:  “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”

(5)

At a retreat at an Episcopal monastery in northern California,  I sat on a hillside, meditating on the Sanskrit mantra “Om mani padme hum” (“The jewel in the heart of the lotus”).

I meditated so deeply that I forgot my name.

I only realized that I’d ‘forgotten’ it when I heard my name again.  And I thought, ‘Laura Dent.’  What’s that??

(6)

After a few years in San Francisco, I moved back to Cambridge.  There I discovered Wicca.  Dancing around a bonfire with 20 or 30 women, chanting and drumming, many of us “skyclad” – we were claiming our power.

One summer solstice ritual, we held sparklers aloft.  I proclaimed:  “I am a radiant, powerful being” – and knew this to be true.

(7)

STONEHENGE.  One of THE most powerful moments of my life.

I was drawn like a magnet to join the circle of druids at Stonehenge celebrating the last winter solstice before the new millennium.  The chief druid explained to me:  “At this MOMENT, the full moon is rising and the sun is setting, at the EXACT moment of THE SOLSTICE.   This happens only every 133 years.” I wondered, has this ever happened before at the millennium?

I felt like this was THE most powerful place on the planet, AND the most powerful moment EVER, in this place.  I felt like I was “representing” everyone I know, and everyone I don’t know.

I held my wand aloft, with the round crystal toward the moon and the sharp point towards the sun.  The electric energy felt like lightning striking through me.

(8)

A year before Stonehenge, I was in a serious car accident, where the other guy died and it’s amazing that I didn’t.  I felt a sense of surrender and gratitude as they took me away in the helicopter.  I thought, “at least my brain is OK.”

So there at Stonehenge, I felt that THIS is what I was spared for.

I heard a song in my head:

“YES – I do know why I’m alive.  YES – I do know how I’ve survived.”

(9)

I took part in some Native American practices:  all-night sweat lodges for purification, with prayers to “Ho matakweyasen” – “all my relations” – honoring the interconnected spirit in all things.

(10)

I experienced Sufism indirectly through my brother, who is a Sufi.  He dedicated himself to that path for life.  Sufism, known as the Path of the Heart, is a mystical sect of Islam, known in the West through the poetry of Rumi.

My favorite lines from Rumi:

May the beauty we love be what we do.
There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the earth.

(11)

I practiced yoga through the years, and occasionally went to yoga retreats and ashrams.

At one of these, I met a real guru, a young Indian woman called Gurumayi.  At “darshan” – meeting with the guru – the moment I locked eyes with Gurumayi, she and I both burst out laughing – from sheer JOY.

To the point where my friend said, “What was going on with you two?!”

(12)

Buddhism is a gentle path I felt like a spring welling up within me.

The Buddha’s message, as I received it, is:

“Here’s what worked for me.  Don’t take my word for it – try it for yourself.”

That’s it.

And to get there – well, the Buddhists like lists.  The Four Noble Truths, the Eightfold Path, the Three Afflictions, the Four Sublime States, the Five Precepts, the Fifty-One Mental Factors …

My favorite of these lists is the Four Sublime States:

Lovingkindness
compassion
equanimity
sympathetic joy

Each one of these is an exquisitely refined state of emotional well-being that is worth cultivating through dedicated practice.

Maybe next time I’ll lead you in a chant to activate the four sublime states.

Works for me – try it yourself sometime.

(13)

Now fast-forward to my current practice:  Kundalini yoga.  Every morning, usually before dawn, I dress all in white, including a white turban, and do a series of yoga and meditation exercises to activate the Third Chakra, the solar plexus, the center of personal power.   A serene statue of the Buddha watches over me.

This yoga class is called Surrender, Love, and Empowerment.  We “surrender” our attachment to the roles we play in our lives to open ourselves to love and power.

For example, I practiced surrendering the role of “writer” and felt grief in letting go of the one part of myself I have identified with since I was five years old.

And I realized that, paradoxically, letting go of the role of ‘writer’ actually makes it easier to write!

I meditated more deeply on the idea of Surrender, and heard the voice of wisdom inside myself:

“Surrender even who you are – because who you are will change.”

My yoga teacher calls me a “spiritual warrior,” for facing my fears and attachments with courage.  The intention is to clear myself out to make room for Eternal Divine Peace within.

I have felt that rush of “Niagara Falls” coming through me, in a flood of gratitude and compassion.

(14)

And now I’ll close with another bookend of music.  If Yes opened my mind when I was 16, I’ve recently had an awakening that opened my heart.

Just after we came back from Italy, some of you may have heard me muttering something in Italian as I dropped the pebble in the water.

What I was saying was:

“Con profonda gratitudine al mio caro amico Aldo.”

Which means:
“With profound gratitude to my dear friend Aldo.”

That’s Aldo Tagliapietra, an Italian musician I have known for nearly 10 years, that Noel and I visited near Venice.  Aldo gave me his solo album  called Il Viaggio – the Journey – about his personal spiritual voyage in India.  His music has moved me deeply.

[play:  “Dhanyawad” chorus]

Dhanyawad – Grazie a te

“Dhanyawad” is Hindi for “Thank you,” in the sense of profound gratitude, and “Grazie a te” is Italian.

Thank you for Truth,
Thank you for Holiness.
Thank you – thanks to you.

This song of gratitude was playing in my heart when Noel & I were flying in a hot-air balloon over the Shenandoah Valley – right out there!  I was full of sheer joy and gratitude at the beauty of this place we call home.

The same song was playing in my mind as I was lying on the operating table, arched back in surrender and squeezing Noel’s hand, in gratitude for the medical skill that could detect whether this thing within me was trying to kill me.  Fortunately:  it’s not!  Gratitude for that, too.

I have learned that gratitude opens the heart, and compassion keeps it open.  When I cultivate and express gratitude and compassion, I feel my heart overflowing with joy and love.

And, I hear echoes of another song from Aldo:

un canto silenzioso

a silent song

deep in the core of me

where my name

no longer

matters.

OM  Shantih … shantih … shantih …

Readings

Laura Dent
Readings for My Spiritual Journey

Yes – Tales from Topographic Oceans
From “The Revealing Science of God”

And through the rhythm of moving slowly
Sent through the rhythm, work out the story
Move over glory to sons of old fighters past

Young Christians see it from the beginning
Old people feel it, that’s what they’re saying
Move over glory to sons of old fighters past

From Chandogya Upanishad

“Bring hither a fig from there.”
“Here it is, sir.”
“Break it.”
“It is broken, sir.”
“What do you see there?”
“These extremely fine seeds, sir.”
“Of these, please break one.”
“It is broken sir.” “What do you see there?”
“Nothing at all, sir.”

Then he said to Svetaketu:  “Verily, my dear, that subtle essence which you do not perceive – from that very essence, indeed, my dear, does this great fig tree thus arise.  Believe me, my dear, that which is the subtle essence – this whole world has that essence for its Self; that is the Real [satya, truth]; that is the Self; that art thou [tat tvam asi], Svetaketu.”

From Rumi, adapted from translation by Coleman Barks

Today, like every other day, we wake up empty
and scared.  Don’t open the door to the study
and start reading.  Take down a musical instrument.

May the beauty we love be what we do.
There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the earth.

Buddhist chant:  the Four Sublime States

metta = loving-kindness
karuna = compassion
muditta = equanimity
upekkha = sympathetic joy

Aldo Tagliapietra – Il Viaggio

From “Dhanyawad”

Dhanyawad per la verità
Dhanyawad per la santità
Dhanyawad, grazie a te

Thank you [Hindi] for truth
Thank you for holiness
Thank you, thanks to you