By Bill Weech
April 2, 2023
What makes you happy?
What fulfills you?
What makes your life work living?
These are questions that are explored in the field of positive psychology, which is something I have been interested in for roughly two decades now. This morning I would like to share with you some of the things I have learned from this field, as well as some of the questions that I still have. (By the way, it is important right up front that I emphasize my utter lack of credentials or expertise in this area. Don’t confuse me with the other Bill, Bill Faw – he is the real psychologist! I am just an amateur wannabe.)
I’m guessing that the field of positive psychology is something that is familiar to many, if not most of you, but for any who might not be familiar with the term, let me offer a short introduction. Modern psychology – experimental psychology – is almost 200 years old. For much of its history, there have been two broad areas of focus. The first has been definition and measurement of key concepts: intelligence, cognition, perception, emotions, and personality, for example. The second focus of psychology has been mental illness – what is it, what causes it, how can we treat it, and so on. In 1980 the then-president of the American Psychological Association, Martin Seligman, proposed a new area of focus: the study of what makes life most worth living. Seligman coined the term “positive psychology,” and it stuck. Today we have more than 40 years of research in the field and that is what I want to talk about this morning.
Actually, I don’t want to do all the talking. I’d like to make this message at least a little bit interactive. So let me ask you a few questions. A central question in positive psychology is, what is happiness? Let me ask you: what is happiness, anyway? What is your definition of the term?
[Elicit responses]
When we talk about happiness, we tend to talk about two different things. One is a transient emotion: “I was happy to see my friend yesterday,” or “I was happy with the results of the election,” or “Reading a good book makes me happy.” It’s a feeling that comes and goes, often in response to things that happen to us.
But we also use the word “happiness” in another way. We might say, “I am happy with my life,” or “I am happy with my marriage,” or “I am happy with my career accomplishments.” This is not a transient emotion, but rather a deep and lasting feeling of satisfaction and contentment.
Positive psychologists believe that both components of happiness are important to have a fulfilling life: the transient positive emotions and the deeper life satisfaction. To study happiness, you have to measure it, and most of the instruments I have seen that attempt to measure happiness include questions about both short-term positive emotions and long-term satisfaction.
Now let me ask you another question: What makes you happy?
[Elicit responses]
Martin Seligman, the founder of the field of positive psychology, has an answer to the question of what makes us happy. In fact, he has a formula:
H = S + C + V
Perfectly clear, right?
Maybe I should explain this. Your happiness (H) equals your setpoint (S) plus your life circumstances (C) plus your voluntary choices (V).
Your setpoint is genetically determined. It is a level of happiness to which you naturally return in your life absent extraordinary events. These things are hard to measure but our best estimate is that your setpoint accounts for about 50% of your overall level of happiness. Do you know someone who always seems cheerful and happy? Odds are s/he was born that way (mostly). Do you know someone who always seems gloomy and glum? Yep, s/he was probably (mostly) born that way, too.
It’s probably no coincidence that two of the most positive people I ever knew were my mother and my late wife, Jane. Jane’s setpoint was such that she woke up every morning convinced that she would have a great day – and for her, this was usually a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Our setpoints are a powerful thing. Research shows that people who win big lottery prizes are happier – but usually only for a few months. Gradually, they – and others who have unusual good fortune – drift back towards their setpoints. Likewise, people who suffer tragedies are typically unhappy for months – but more often than not, their happiness also eventually drifts back towards the setpoints.
I said that your setpoint accounts for about half of your overall happiness. What about the other half? The “C” in Seligman’s happiness formula is your life circumstances, things you are born into and things that happen to you that are beyond your control. Were you born into a healthy middle-class family? Were you born in a stable, prosperous country? Have you been through a natural disaster recently? These circumstances matter a lot for your happiness – and they are beyond your control, obviously. Again, these things are hard to measure but our best estimate is that your life circumstances account for roughly 10-15% of your overall happiness.
So, what’s left in the happiness formula? The “V” in Seligman’s formula stands for voluntary choices. These are the everyday decisions you make about how to spend your time and what to focus your thoughts on. If you have done the math, you’ve concluded that our best estimate is that your voluntary choices account for 35-40% of your overall happiness.
I must pause here to point out the obvious: if you are thinking, “Wow, this is terrible. Most of my overall happiness is beyond my control” – you are right, and you are a pessimist. If you are thinking, “Wow, this is great! I can make choices that will significantly impact my overall happiness,” then you are also right, and you are an optimist.
Not surprisingly, most positive psychologists appear to be optimists, so a lot of research has been done on how the choices we make affect our happiness. This is the part of positive psychology that I find most interesting – how we can choose to be happier if we make certain choices. Recently I taught a class in happiness for JMU’s Lifelong Learning Institute. To prepare for the class, I compiled a list of fifteen research-based practices that positive psychology has demonstrated increase happiness for most people. What struck me as particularly interesting as I reviewed the research-based happiness practices was the themes or groupings that I identified among these practices. That’s what I want to focus on for the rest of my message this morning.
(Spoiler alert: There are no surprises ahead. Everything I am going to say is common sense and you know these things intuitively already. Your mother probably told you about them.)
Let me share with you the two big things we all want in our lives: connection and meaning. First, we are social animals. We want to feel that we belong, we want to feel cared for, we want to feel attached to others. We are happier when we are connected to others, as we are here this morning. Second, we are also purpose-driven animals. We want to feel that we have a reason to exist, that we serve a cause, that our lives matter. We are perhaps at our happiest when we are serving causes we believe in together with people that we care about. The UU mind may immediately go to social justice marches, but we can also fulfill these needs with things as simple as spending time with our grandchildren or pursuing a beloved pastime with old friends. (See? I told you that you knew this stuff already.)
Now let me be more specific and talk about the five themes I found in the research-based happiness practices. The first theme I identified is around gratitude. Research shows that we are happier when we pause to think about what we are grateful for in our lives. Specific practices in this theme include things like keeping a daily gratitude journal or a regular diary of positive experiences. It turns out that focusing on the good things in life increases our happiness. This makes sense, right? But when was the last time you counted your blessings? You know what? Let’s do this right now. Why not? Turn to someone sitting close by [not the person you came with] and briefly share with him or her 3-5 things that you are grateful for today. If you are in Zoom land, put the items you are grateful for in the chat forum.
[Pause for sharing]
The second theme I identified in the happiness practices is relationships. As I have already mentioned (and you already know from your own lived experience), we all crave connection with others. The specific practices within this theme include things like calling old friends and performing random acts of kindness. In fact, this strikes me as another thing we can practice right now. Why not? Take a moment to identify someone in this room that you want to reconnect with and briefly exchange greetings with that person. If you are in Zoom land today, use the chat function to connect with a fellow Zoomer.
[Pause for sharing]
The third theme I identified in the research-based happiness practices is meaning, or purpose. The specific practices that fall under this theme include things like pursuing meaningful goals and engaging in brief activities that you personally find meaningful. These activities can be anything from practicing a hobby, doing a craft, playing music – whatever is meaningful for you. Sometimes when we engage in these activities, we experience what positive psychologists call “flow.” Flow is when we are so occupied with something that we lose track of time – we completely forget about everything else for a while.
In the spirit of applying positive psychology practices, let’s share again. Find someone you have not shared with yet this morning and briefly tell that person one activity that is personally meaningful for you. What is something that you can get so engrossed in that you lose track of time? And again, if you are in Zoom land, please share whatever you are comfortable sharing with your fellow Zoomers in the chat forum.
[Pause for sharing]
A fourth theme in the research-based happiness practices is using your strengths. It turns out we are happier when we are doing things that we are good at. Some of us have a hard time praising ourselves but admit it, deep-down inside you know that there are some things that you ARE really good at. Be brave and share that with a new neighbor now. Turn to someone nearby and briefly tell him/her what your super-power is. Zoomers, you know the drill: please put your comments in the chat forum.
[Pause for sharing]
The last theme I identified in the research-based happiness practices was self-care. The specific practices in this theme include the things you would expect, such as exercising, meditating, and good sleep hygiene. It also includes a couple of things you might not expect, such as forgiving those who have offended you. Let me ask you to briefly share one more thing with your neighbors (or perhaps someone you have not shared with yet). Think of something you will do to take care of yourself this week. What are you willing to commit to in the area of self-care? Share it with a fellow UU. Zoomers: you know what to do.
[Pause for sharing]
One thing we know about these commitments is, you are more likely to fulfill them if you make them public. (That’s part of the method to my madness this morning!)
So those are the five themes I identified in the research-based happiness practices.
(There were also a few practices that I lumped into a miscellaneous category because they did not fit neatly into any of my five themes. Specific practices in the miscellaneous category include experiencing awe and apologizing for your errors.)
Research shows that if you engage in some of these practices regularly, chances are that you will improve your overall quality of life. You will be happier.
But let me be clear what I am NOT saying here. Does positive psychology suggest that we can or should be happy all of the time? Of course not. Life is not like that. Being happy all of the time is not a realistic goal. Also, we know (both from research and our own lived experience) that experiencing some lows in life helps us better appreciate the good things we have. As Harvard’s Tal Ben-Shahar says, the question to ask ourselves is not, “Am I happy today?” but rather, “How can I be happier tomorrow?”
So this is my advice for you (and please remember my complete lack of qualifications): If you want to have a great week this coming week, do some or all the following things:
- Take a moment (or two or three) to reflect on the good things you have in your life. (Better yet, jot them down).
- Reach out and connect with people. Get together with the people you love. Call that old friend you haven’t talked to in ages. Chat with the stranger in the checkout line in the store.
- Spend some time doing those activities that are meaningful for you, the activities that cause you to lose track of time.
- Use your strengths consciously and intentionally. Do some of those things that you are good at doing.
- Take care of yourself. Get some exercise, get some rest, eat well and be kind to your body and spirit.
And have a happ